The Truth about Feedback

Feedback should be helpful. Sometimes we’re blind to our own patterns and the effect that they have on people, so getting feedback can help us see ourselves better. But here’s the thing: not all feedback is good feedback, and sometimes you’ll have to parse if there’s any good in the message. To do this, you will probably need some time to sit with the feedback before responding to it, addressing it, or changing your behavior.

Feedback can say more about the person giving it, than the person receiving it. It’s always interesting to get feedback from someone, because it can give you a clear idea of the way they see you, and how their own point of view plays into their perception about you. Next time you get random feedback, think about the person giving it: do they know you? Are they well-intentioned? What assumptions have they made about you in giving this feedback?

Even bad feedback can be helpful. There’s a range of things that can be bad about feedback. It could be that the perspective is simply untrue, or there’s no way for you to respond, or it’s just not helpful. But chew on it for a bit, to see if there’s a hidden gem. Sometimes the gem is: I need to share less about this area of my life with this person.

Feedback is always an opportunity to reflect. Even if the feedback isn’t good or well-intentioned, it can be useful. It could show that you might need to adjust your communication style, or to spend more time with the person giving the feedback. It could be that the message and messenger aren’t great, but there is some truth in there. What can you do about that? If the feedback is good, you could think about how to incorporate it into your life moving forward.

Next time you get some feedback, pause for a minute. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is there anything you can do with it? If it’s none of these things, maybe you can let it go. You can also think about the person giving the feedback. What have you learned about them?