Showing Up for Your Friends

I’ve been thinking about friendship quite a bit recently, and more specifically, different ways that we can show up for our friends. So many portrayals of friendship can make us think that showing up for friends means something that’s unrealistic for our actual lives. How do we show up for our the friends we actually have in the lives we are currently living? I have some ideas!

Ask your friends what they want or need. You won’t always “just know” what’s the best way to show up for a friend, so ask them. If they’re having surgery, they might want you to visit them in the hospital, or they might prefer you to organize meals for them, or they might need you to pick up their children so that it’s one less thingto coordinate. By asking, you give your friends a chance to express what they want or need, instead of you guessing or assuming.

Keep a list. It might be nice to keep a running list of small things about your friends. Like if they mention something they would like to do, or a small treat they enjoy, or even details about something that they don’t like. This can be really helpful when coming up with ideas for gifts, or ways to celebrate your friends.

Don’t keep score. Here’s the thing, you can’t keep score with your friends. It will hurt your friendships if you keep track of who is doing what all of the time. As long as things are roughly even, and generally reciprocal, go with it. On the other hand

Small things matter. I think media teaches us that the grand gestures are what makes relationships meaningful, but it’s really the small things. Calling people just to say hello, remembering small milestones, spending quality time together can be small things that really matter in sustaining friendships. Things like presence, consistency, and support are the bedrock of solid friendships and they are unquantifiable.

How do you show up for your friends? What are ways that people have shown up for you that have been the most meaningful?