Big Sister Advice #17

Starting this year, in addition to the Q & A, I’ll offer you some general words of wisdom, or stuff to think about, as you find helpful.

On Gratitude

Gratitude has been kinda tricky for me. Not because I’m not thankful for lots of things, but because sometimes when people talk about being grateful, it sounds like toxic positivity — a way to ignore all the terrible things in life and just focus on the positive.

I’m slowly coming around to gratitude as a practice to ground me, especially when life feels terrible and chaotic. I think of it as the mental equivalent of breathing through the pain. It doesn’t make the pain go away, but it’s easier to endure until I can do something about it.

So here’s what I have to offer you about gratitude:

• Gratitude will help you fight for your life in dark moments. Hold onto the things you are grateful for and let them anchor you when nothing seems to be going right. Even if the only thing you can hold onto is, “I’m alive, and there is sunshine on my face.”

• Let your gratitude be pure. I can be really cynical and sarcastic — e.g. I’m grateful that my friend betrayed me so that I don’t have to go to her expensive birthday dinner. Let’s all agree to not do that and operate from a pure place with our gratitude.