Big Sister Advice #16

Starting this year, in addition to the Q & A, I’ll offer you some general words of wisdom, or stuff to think about, as you find helpful.

On Ending a Friendship

We don’t talk enough about ending a friendship. Most perspectives on friendship are either that they should last forever, or that they are a placeholder until you find a life partner. And so many imply that friendships should be easy and not require any work. But all relationships require some kind of work, and part of that work is knowing when things might need to end.

So let’s say you realize that you need to end a friendship. You might just stop talking to the person and block them on everything. Maybe you do a slow fade, spending less and less time together, until it’s been years since you’ve spoken or seen each other. Or maybe it ends with a direct conversation and a goodbye. These are all valid ways to end a friendship, and you may find yourself using any of all of them, depending on the circumstances.

You might go completely ghost if you’ve been deeply hurt and betrayed by someone. The slow fade might happen to a high school or college friend several years after graduation when your lives have shifted into radically different directions. Or maybe that friendship ends with a conversation instead.

Friendships are special because our friends have such power to hurt us. That’s also what makes even recognizing that a friendship might need to end so difficult, much less actually closing things off.