Question #21
“When did you start to feel confident in your body and yourself in general?”
Dear U,
Depending on the day, the answer to this varies. Most of the time, for as long as I can remember, my feelings about my body have been mostly neutral. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t particularly like it either. It just did what it did and I let it. In terms of myself as a person, I’ve mostly felt comfortable in my own skin, and pretty sure of myself at each stage of life. Not totally confident, but definitely not shaky. Like many young women there were (and still are) others that I look at and want to be, whether peers or elders, but I never thought that being myself was bad or wrong — it just wasn’t as cool as some other people.
I’d say that I started to feel truly confident in my body in my later twenties, when I started to figure out what my own personal style was, and what were my tastes and preferences. I also realized that being myself was pretty great, and I was free to adjust as needed. I started to do some self-work to become a person that I really liked, in addition to the self-love that I already had. I turned 30 and realized how young that was. I learned that I can choose, create and/or cultivate the life that I want, based on what is important to me, and that I had built a steady foundation that would keep me grounded no matter what happened. So when earth-shaking things did happen, I knew that I would be okay no matter what.
There are still some people that I look at as having the body/life that I want — at least via social media — but now the voice in my head reminds me that I would probably not actually like that. There are days/weeks/months where I don’t feel particularly confident, like I’m doing everything wrong, and also none of my clothes look good on me, but that’s not where I live, I only visit that space occasionally.
It will take some time for you too, to figure out how to best be at home with yourself, but it’s definitely possible. Start with small steps, thanking your body for what it does, complimenting your favorite features, and deciding who it is you want to be.
