Big Sister Advice #6
Starting this year, in addition to the Q & A, I’ll offer you some general words of wisdom, or stuff to think about, as you find helpful.
On Moving On
I’ve got a few tips to help you when you find yourself in need of some help moving on from someone or something, because I’m not about to sit here and pretend that moving on is as easy to do as it is to say. Shoot, most of the time it’s hard to say! Even when moving on feels 100% right, it’s still hard. Our brain likes patterns and routines, and moving on from anything requires you to break some habits and build new routines. And that’s just the cognitive part of it. There are also your emotions to take into account (even if you aren’t in touch with them and cannot identify why you feel icky). Here are three things to consider when moving on.
Acknowledge the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. It’s okay to have elements of the thing/person that you’re moving on from that are good. Acknowledge those. You can say, “I used to love Friday night pizza with my friend, but her betrayal makes her not my friend anymore.” You don’t only have to focus on the awful things about the past; it’s totally fine to remind yourself that there were reasons that you were in this situation in the first place. Maybe it’s that things have changed, or maybe it’s that you have changed. An inventory like this will help put in perspective what you need from new relationships (of any kind) moving forward.
Intentionally Build New Habits. Part of moving on is that you have to build new habits. If you’re used to a certain cadence with your significant other: calling them on your way home, Thursday night dates, watching a specific show together, etc, you’ll need to build new habits to replace these ones. Be intentional about it. Maybe you call a rotation of friends on your way home, or make Thursday night plans to volunteer at a new organization, or start a new show. This will help you feel less lost by the hole in your life left by their departure.
Figure out Your Feelings. You will have feelings about making a big life change. They are likely complicated, or you wouldn’t be reading this post. Take some time to explore them, to figure out exactly what they are and where they are coming from. For example, if you’re quitting a job that’s not good for you, and you might feel relieved to be moving on to a new job, anxious that your new workplace will be just as harmful or unfulfilling as your old one, regret that you didn’t get the contact information for one of your fave coworkers before you left, anger at how a horrible manager made you hate going to work in the morning, joy at taking a new step in your career, and so much more.
Good luck with moving on, I’m cheering for you taking this new step in your life!
